NEW NEWS!!!

so i guess i am going out with him again =[ sad i know. u dont know all the history, but the people at school do. he has a horrible reputation and he hurts me all the time. but something about him makes me keep holding on. i dont know what to do anymore. i love him.. after everything he has done to me... and i can still hang on... i must love him.

OMG

OMFG!!!! he is starting to get to me again! i went for like a month with out liking him. probably cuz he didnt talk to me. now that he has started flirting with me and kissed me on the cheek, i'm kinda confuzzled on what to think here! he says he likes me, then he acts like he is over me, now he says he likes or luvs me again. he is such a wierd (yet oddly kute) boy. and thast the other thing. i didnt used to think justin was kute. i just liked him cuz i liked him. but now everyday he starts looking even kuter to me. and every time i look into his gorgeous blue-green eyes, itz like i travle farther than just his eyes. it seems that i look at his heart too. and i start to fall even MORE in luv wit him! see what i have to go thru! but at least right now itz not too bad and i can still focas on my dreamy ryker! well thats a whole other novel in itself! so i am going to say goodbye before i start chapter! bye!

um. i'm scared

i'm scared i might not be able to look at him anymore. justin i mean. every time i look at him, i miss him. at recess today i qas all happy.. until i saw him. he looked so happy. and i gues i was sad becuz i couldnt be happy with him. i couldnt be by his side anymore. i just miss him. this time as my boi friend. not just as m friends. i miss his hugs. i miss him by my side when i needed someone to make me feel better again. now this is my question. what do you do when the one who broke your heart is the only one that can fix it? he broke my heart by tryin to get away from it. all i ever need is to be where he is. i always want to be by his side! he is the one that makes me want to got o schoool everyday! becuz i know i will be able to see him again! but lately, it seemslike he is avoiding me, and he is going back to bree. he was just using me to get to her. and the worst part is that i knew this was going to hapen, but he tripped me and i fell for him anyways. what am i going to do! in the mornings, i want to run to skool cuz i can only hope that he will come back and say he loves me again. i miss him.. and now i thik i love him. i used to just reallyv like him. but now i really do love him, and i cant ever give up on someone that i cant go one day with out thinking about! i will FIGHT for him! i luv him and i wont let him go!

he's... gone

i let him slip away. he thinks i hate him.. and he is gone.he slipped away like sand streaming through my fingers. i luved him... or at least really liked him. what am i supposed to do now? he was my life. the only reason i didnt mind waking up in the morning is becuz when i did wake up.. i knew i would be able to see him again. but now i probably wont ever see him until high school. thats like 5 ears away. i luv him too much. i cant wait for 5 years. but i luv him, and i want the best for him... whether it includes me or not. i ahve to give up. and now that i have... he is gone.. and i didnt even get to say gooodbye..... -cry cry cry cry cry-

i dont know what to do

love is like a piano. first you must learn to play by the rules, the you must forget the rules, and play from your heart. well i have learned the rules, and now i must break them. justin... he just.. doesnt seem like himself anymore. the amazingly fun guy i wanted to love. now he seems like a show off. like a jock thats turning into a jerk becuz he thinks he is good at everything. when he was with bree, he acted different then he acts around me. he acted more carelessly around her. but around me, itz like he is ashamed of me. i am starting to question whether or not to break up with him. this justin is not the one i love. i loved the sensitive, dorky justin that just wanted to be with you. no matter what. thats just not him anymore, and i miss him... and now i dont know what i am supposed to do? wow... my life is so confuzzling

i think he is moving.....

today after school, justin told me he was moving. i thought to myself that maybe he was just lying to me to see my reaction... but i'm not sure. i hope so.sure i wil be humiliated... but at least i would be able to be with the one i love. i really do love him now. and he said he would hang with me tuesday, wednesday, and thursady. fun! but i dont wanna leave my friends...... i think they wil understand. i hope so anyways. well, what if he does move? i think i will just crawl in a dark hole, all a lone with just me, and sit and think about how much he changed my life. and he said he might go to the same school, but he might not. and lets face it, i am almost dying right NOW becuse he went a whole week without saying hardly anything to me. but if he moves, i wont see him, or hear him probably ever again. at first i was afraid to meet him. once i met him, i was afraid to talk to him. once i talked to him, i was afraid to like him. once i liked him, i was afraid to love him.a nd now that i love him, i'm only afraid of losing him...... i'm scared becuase i dont want anyone else in his arms. i dont want anyone else to have his heart. i'm scared becuz... i dont want anyone else to take my place... the place that gives me a reason to wake up int he morning.... the place that makes me his girlfriend. i have fallen for someone that catched me at first.. but is starting to drop me slowly. what happens if he drops me for goood. what if he wont remember me. what if he completely moves on while i stay behind in a place where i dont feel like i belong cuz he is not with me? i cant lose him....... i love him too much....

justin

k. so my last boi friend got mad at me because i expected him to spend every moment he had with me. which was wrong, and i know that now. thats why i am saying this. i know that expecting someone to give up all their time for you is obnoctious, but when it is ur boi friend, you just want them to be near you all the time. and thats how i am about justin. for the last week or so, he would always walk with me after school and we would have fun you know. it was very amausing! then friday and today after school, he was no where to be found. no where. and it has been killing me cuz he is supposed to stay at least an arms lenght away from me at all times! becuase of uor stupid principal! i hate her! i am so glad we get rid of her next year! she is so mean! she thinks guys and girls cant mess around and be friends! itz retarted! so anyways he usually at least comes and hangs with me and myt friend bree. but lately he plays basketball with all the other jocks. ugh. but have learned since my last boi friend. i need to let him be. so now it seems that time trudges by. like one second is a day. a minute a week. at firrt i was afraid to meet him. when i met him, i was afraid to be near him. when i was near him, i was afraid to love him. and now that i love him... i am afraid to lose him. i think thats why i am always wanting to be with him. not just becasue he is fun to be aroun, but becasue i am scared. i am scared someone else will be in his arms. i'm afraid his heart will belong to someone else. i am afraid of someone taking my place. i think i love him so much that if he is not near me, i feel empty inside. like karinna drew. he is my drug and i am addicted. so now the question is, do i confront him about this and tell him that i love him so much? or do i lay low and let my heart wonder for a time? these are the questions that make me love him even more

my boi

omg! i freckin luv my boi friend! he is kinda touchy though. he put his hands around my waist. kinda weird. i dont mind but i think he will kinda regret it or something. i feel like he doesnt really love me. like he is always looking at bree. which doesnt bother me one bit cuz i understand!!!!! i feel so selfish!!!!! ugh!!!!! never mind. i gotta go. bye

justin

k. so i kinda sorta told some of my friends about justin. i'm scared they will tell bree though. i'm scared that brianna will be mad at me and will never be able to trust me again cuz i did it behind her back and she said she was disappointed when justin asked me out last time and i said no and that was behind her back. i dont think anyone knew that except karinna. and that happened friday. so ya. i'm scared something wil go wrong. i luv him and all, but i'm not used to anyone liking me like that. this whhole people liking me thingis totally new to me! wouldnt guess huh? well its true. so after he used to be so conected to bree, irs kinda weird to see him like her best friend thats not even cute. ugh. what am i going to do? -sigh- wow. this is gonna be hard. wel i gotta go deal with some guy problems so see ya l8r!

justin

so justin kinda sorta asked me out (to be his girl friend. same thing) and of course i said yes. how could i not when i luv him so much. the only thing i am kinda worried about is that he is kinda touchy. he tickles me a lot and he already tried holding my hand! which didnt bother me one bit surprisingly. i just didnt want to get him in trouble cuiz he i supposed to stay away from girls at school. so i didnt want him to get in any more trouble. but i didnt want him to think that i didnt luv him either. so what was i supposed to do? well i thought for a long moment, and just slid my hand around my back pack to where he couldnt intertwine our hands. so i was safe until he started to hold my waist. and my neice, rainey, was fighting with him childly. well kinda cuz she was kickin him(not hard. she couldnt even really kick him cuz he kept skillfully moving away) so i took thay advantage to get rainey away from him and calm her down so he had to let go of me. this was all happening while we were walking home and thank goodness i lived REALLY close cuz he started making his moves again. so we talked in the drive way for a couple minutes, he hugged me, then i walked inside. and now i cant wait to see him tomorrow!!!! wow i think i luv him too much. i hope brianna doesnt find out or atleast doesnt get mad. well i gotta go. see ya!